Ramblings on life

Ok, so I'm really bored with my life.

I wake up every morning (at least it's in the morning these days), watch some tv, then decide whether to go to work or not (except when I am forced to, like when I have a meeting with client), then take a shower, dress then endure the heat to go to work.

Then sometime at noon, I have to eat lunch then go back to work after.

Well, sometimes I don't do work, just search the sites that are not restricted by our IT group.

After office hours, I go to the apartment I rent, watch tv and/or watch some DVD. Most of the times, it would be either "Friends", which maybe I have seen several times, or a foreign language film (or an unknown English film or cult favorite).

Then, at around 10pm to 12mn, I have to go to sleep, either out of sleepiness or because I have to go to work early the following day.

And so my life goes......

I never expected my life to be like this. But, I never expected anything out of my life. Not that I don't care or value my life, it's just that I didn't plan ahead. Or I didn't have specific plans of what my life would be.

When I was in high school, I didn't know what to take up in college or where to go in college. That decision came only when I was in fourth year and the UP entrance exam was coming up.

Then in college, I didn't know where to work after passing the CPA entrance exam. I didn't even take into account the board exam at that time. Hmmm, well, I did want to go to Unilever or Procter&Gamble. But then, who didn't? I guess every guy and gal back in my college wanted to work there. Who wouldn't? They were there for every college event with CBA graduates flaunting (or at least sharing) good stories about their company. And then, you'd hear about how much you'd make when you work in those two companies. For a college student who lives on approximately P1500 per month, that would be a big step! But then again, working in those two companies are reserved for those who have shown leadership or "leadership" while in college. But then again, nevermind.

I decided to work in an auditing firm when I was reviewing for the board exam. I decided to work in a specific auditing firm after passing the exam. Three and a half years later, I am still here, in the auditing firm I chose.

I would like to say that I am here by choice - that I like the friendly atmostphere here, that working here is learning and that the pay is not that bad. The friendly atmosphere I guess is correct, people are cordial to each other and most people know your name. It is ironic, however, that I have made few friends (or at least friends who I care about or who cares about me, other than in the normal polite and curious way).

The learning stuff is true. I learn a lot of things here. Things about how companies work, etc. etc.

As for the pay, I guess it's not that bad. But I could get better. I was offered a position (accounting manager) by one of my clients for approximately twice what I earn now. I turned it down, saying that I like audit work and I may not be efficient doing other things. That is somehow true. But imagine how easier my financial life would have been.

I am burning down. Yes, burning down not burning up. It's worse than burning up. At least when you burn up you burn in a grand manner. Like a firework suddenly exploding in a profusion of colors. People watch and admire.

It seems like I'm burning in a way a candle is slowly being put out by the melted wax accumulating near the top, where the wax drowns out the wick that holds the fire. Slowly, and ever slowly, the fire dies down. People don't notice. They will not notice nor appreciate the slow dimming of the light. They won't know until all the fire's died down.