Wednesday, April 29, 2009

Least Favorite State in the US

The United States of America has 50 states plus the District of Columbia. I can't enumerate each of the states but I do know that of the 50 states, California has the most number of electoral votes (55 during last election) followed by Texas (I think around 34 electoral votes).

If asked about my favorite state, it will be a toss up between New York and California. Both states figure much in entertainment, both are generally liberal in attitude, both are Democrat-leaning. New York is the financial capital of the US (or even the world) while California has a nice weather.

If asked about my least favorite state, it would be a resounding Texas! for several reasons:

(a) Texas is a Republican state - I do not like Republicans because of its conservative views (on gay marriage, abortion, stem cell research) and every election, its main campaign tactic seem to be to divide the United States based on religion and morals and not on real national issues(especially now with hard right Republicans getting the upper hand in Republican leadership). I like the Democratic Party with its more liberal view on gay marriage and stem cell reseach (abortion I still do not like) and its emphasis on education, health care and culture.
(a.1) Texas is a conservative state
(a.2) Texas is generally anti-gay marriage
(a.3) George W. Bush (one of the most reviled US President) is from Texas.

(b) Texas is associated with cowboys - I do not like a society that thrives on machismo, and Westerns (movies that is - always associated with cowboys) is a patriarchal society. That's why I don't like Clint Eastwood (btw, Clint Eastwood is a Republican and supported McCain last election).

(c) Texas is rich in oil - Oil is important, but I associate oil with greedy executives, destruction of the environment (through oil extraction and carbon emission) and generally, the rise in the prices of almost everything else. (On the same note, I don't like member nations of OPEC).

(d) Texas is hot - I do not like hot places. The heat of the Philippines is enough.

Had McCain won the last election, Arizona would be my second least favorite state. It's almost the same as Texas (Republican-leaning, associated with cowboys and hot).

Monday, April 27, 2009


I'm still not over my "Top Design" phase. I couldn't sleep last night so I got up and prepared a table setting using my Melaware plates, white foldable plastic table, plastic sunflowers and a few other things in my house.

I made a tablesetting which is not exactly a table you will find in a regular home. Probably in a mall display, Melaware advertisement or (dreaming high) a showcase house (model units) or magazines.

Saturday, April 25, 2009


A few years ago, friendster is the default social networking site for all the world (so popular that the site was restricted by the IT in my previous company). Then came myspace and multiply. And now facebook.

I have an account with friendster, multiply and facebook. I check facebook more or less regularly. Multiply and friendster, once in a while. Multiply and friendster doesn't seem to have much going on. For multiply, I only check and read some of my friend's posts. For friendster, nothing. Just checking for old time's sake. For me, I keep my account in friendster for old time's sake, for some friends and the boyfriend who doesn't have facebook. Seriously, does friendster have any plans for its site? Looks like Friendster now is braindead and just being kept alive by users like me for sentimental reasons. When are we going to pull the plug and let it die?

Flower Arrangements

Just recently, I watched a show called "Top Design" which is a reality show like Project Runway but instead of fashion designers, the contestants are interior designers. The episode I watched is the triathlon and one of the legs of the triathlon is table setting. One of the contestants set this table arrangement:

I was inspired by the arrangements, especially by the flower centerpieces that I thought of buying a proper dining table with chairs and do a full table setting (including flower centerpieces, table runners, plates and spoons displayed on the table). However, I couldn't find a table small enough to fit in my already crowded apartment and inexpensive enough that I don't have to shell big bucks. The table I was eyeing in Shopwise was already sold out. I contented myself with doing flower arrangements. I made the following flower arrangement (or merely just flower positioning) for a foldable coffee table.

I also made a very simple arrangement of sunflowers for my room to be placed near my TV.

This afternoon while walking in SM Makati, I chanced upon this square plastic leaves and I liked the design (sort of like ivy on walls) and bought three pieces. I then bought some plastic flowers from Landmark.

On reaching home and on being free from other stuff, I made this arrangement which I am proud of (I sent a picture through MMS to a dear friend in Channel Island and to another friend). This arrangement now proudly hangs in my bedroom door.

Made me think that I am so gay to derive pleasure from arranging flowers. =)

Friday, April 24, 2009

The Mystery of the Straight Man

Growing up, I knew all too well that I am different from other guys. I never liked basketball and other contact sports, I love flowers, I have more girl playmates than boy playmates, and my left foot always rose up whenever I do a badminton serve. I was extremely good in school and in my elementary school, everyone from number 2 to number 10 was a girl or one gay boy (as I remember).

Because of these, I have difficulty relating to straight guys my age. Even in high school, my close guy friends were the ones that others would doubt as straight or would simply label as gay.

As such, the straight guy has always been a mystery to me. Most of the times, when I am riding in a jeepney and there's a cute straight guy on board, I always wonder what that straight guy is thinking about. Is he thinking about sex? Is he thinking about his girlfriend/s? Videogames? Personal finances? Or is he thinking about the same things I am thinking?

I think because a straight guy is a total mystery to me, I do feel more attractive to them. And wishes that one gorgeous straight guy would fall in love with me and we would spend romantic days together. Just wishes and dreams. They will never come true. And I don't want to set up a scholarship fund just for it to come true. I only want to be romantically involved with someone I consider an equal or just a little bit better: intellectually, financially, but a lllooootttt better physically. I can dream...

Thursday, April 23, 2009

Dream Interpretation

In my search to understand what my recurring dreams mean, I found in google this site ( which I found to be somehow accurate and helpful.

=RECURRING DREAMS==========================
Most dreams contain messages that serve to teach us something about ourselves. Unfortunately many a times we forget what we dream about as we go about our daily routine. With recurring dreams, the message may be so important and/or powerful that it just will not go away. The frequent repetition of such dreams forces you to pay attention and confront the dream. The dream is trying desperately to tell you something. Such dreams are often nightmarish or frightening in their content, which also helps you to take notice and pay attention to them.

Recurring dreams are quite common and are often triggered by a certain life situation or a problem that keeps coming back again and again. These dreams may recur daily, once a week, or once a month, but whatever the frequency, there is little variation in the dream content itself. It usually points to a personal weakness, fear, or your inability to cope with something in your life - past or present.

The repetitive patterns in your dream can reveal some of the most valuable information on yourself. It may point to a conflict, situation or matter in your waking life that remains unresolved or unsettled. Or some urgent underlying message in your unconscious is demanding to be understood.

This seems to be so true since my dreams these days have become recurring with some strong identifiable elements. Considering the elements and their interpretation makes everything spot on.

=BEING NAKED=====================================
So you are going about your normal routine - going to work, waiting for the bus, or just walking down the street - when you suddenly realize that you are stark naked. Dreaming that you are completely or partially naked is very common. Nudity symbolizes a variety of things depending on your real life situation.

Becoming mortified at the realization that you are naked in public, reflects your vulnerability or feelings of shamefulness. You may be hiding something and are afraid that others can see right through you. Metaphorically, clothes are a means of concealment. Depending on the type of clothes you wear, you can hide your identity or be someone else. But without them, everything is hanging out for all to see. You are exposed and left without any defenses. Thus your naked dream may be telling you that you are trying to be something that you really are not. Or you are fearful of being ridiculed and disgraced. Such anxieties are elevated especially in situations where you are trying to impress others. Perhaps you are in a new work environment or in a new relationship. You may be expressing fears or apprehension in revealing your true feelings in such situations.

Nudity also symbolizes being caught off guard. Finding yourself naked at work or in a classroom, suggests that you are unprepared for a project at work or school. You may be unprepared in making a well informed decision. With all eyes on you, you fear that some flaw will be brought to public attention. You fear that people will see through your true self and you will be exposed as a fraud or a phony.

Often times, when you realize that you are naked in your dream, no one else seems to notice. Everyone else in the dream is going about their business without giving a second look at your nakedness. If this happens in your dream, then it implies that your fears are unfounded; no one will notice except you. You may be magnifying the situation and making an issue of nothing.

If you dream that you are proud of your nakedness and show no embarrassment or shame, then it symbolizes your unrestricted freedom. You have nothing to hide and are proud of who you are. The dream is about a new sense of honesty, openness, and a carefree nature. Perhaps you are trying to get to the �bare facts�. Alternatively, the dream may be telling you that you are drawing the wrong kind of attention to yourself. You want to get noticed, but are going about it the wrong way.

This is so true. I have been secretive of my other life (being in the closet) that there are very few people with whom I have confided this (less than 10). For the longest time, I have this apprehension that sometime I will be found out, especially by my family members. Of course I know that they know (my mother stopped asking about me getting married and in some cases have to come to answer others' queries on when I will be married) but we have not talked about it. As of now, I am still anxious of having a confrontation with my family where they will ask me pointblank if I'm gay or not.

Somehow, this inability to share a very important part of me with others has impeded my ability to be closes to other people. Of course I have my reasons, among them that I come from a religious family and that I work in accounting, a generally conservative and competitive field but is filled with so many gays (I mean, all the major accounting firms must have a higher-than-average gay percentage).

=TEST DREAMS====================================
To dream that you are taking an exam, indicates that you are being put to the test or being scrutinized in some way.�Such dreams highlight your feelings of being anxious and agitated. You may find that you cannot answer any of the questions on the test or that the test is in some foreign language. Is time running out and you find that you can not complete the exam in the allowed time? Or are you late to the exam? Does your pencil keep breaking during the exam? Such factors contribute to you failing this test. These dreams usually have to do with your self-esteem and confidence or your lack of. You are worried that you are not making the grade and measuring up to other people's expectations of you. You may also experience the fear of not being accepted, not being prepared, or not being good enough. You feel nervous, insecure and tend to believe the worst about yourself.

These dreams also suggest that you may feel unprepared for a challenge. Rarely, are these dreams about the content of the test, but rather the process and how you are feeling during the exam taking process. Generally, you feel distressed and frustrated. These feelings may parallel how you are feeling in a particular challenge or situation in your waking like.

Dreams of this nature are also an indication that you are being judged and this dream is a signal for you to examine an aspect of yourself that you may have been neglecting and need to pay attention to. You may harbor some guilt because of your neglect in preparation for a school exam, meeting, business project, or some challenge. Most of the time, though, people who have such dreams are unlikely to fail a test in real life. This dream goes back to their fear and own anxiety that they may not meet other's standards of them. They are afraid to let others down.�

This is again true. In some of my recurring dreams, I have school test which I will always be late for, or which I will completely miss. I guess this has something to do with how I feel about my present job, where I am always late in coming to the office, and sometimes missing importatn meetings with our corporate office. I also feel that somehow, I do not live up to the high expectations of my boss, no matter how much he doesn't show it (he's not very expressive).

Recurring Dreams

Today I woke up late again. Before I woke up and during the time between wakefulness and sleep, I had a dream. This is a different dream from my previous ones but there are some recurring elements:

- I dreamed that again, I am looking for a place to take a shower. This is the element that is usually present in my dreams. Before, I was looking for a place to take a shower in a place with thick walls (similar to Intramuros) and I couldn't take a shower near a manual deepwell pump. This time, I've been through several houses and somehow couldn't find a place to take a shower. Maybe it's because I take a bath in the nude and I have issues baring my body. Or maybe it's because I don't like taking a bath in the morning (after I wake up).

- I dreamed I was looking for a job. In my dream, it appears like I already have no job and was looking for one. It's weird that in the dream, I was considering applying for work in SGV. What's weirder is that in the dream, I got a job working for a Chinese lady (what specific job, I don't know but somehow it is manual - probably like lifting merchandise to and from warehouse to their stores or customers' vehicles). Really weird.

- I was wearing a trench coat. It's double-breasted, yellowish brown and in a plaid pattern, with some circular discoloration due to the gold-colored metal buttons. The trench coat appeared to be a female's and I was wearing only shorts and a shirt underneath it so I (in my dream) noticed how unfashionable it was of me to wear a trench coat with shorts and not long pants.

- I was looking for a house (and trying to find a place to shower in different houses). I've been to several houses, including a concrete townhouse probably owned by the Chinese lady I work for. Most probably this is just a dormitory for their workers. The other house is the old house of our neighbor, which was torn down because the owner wanted to sell the lot and they couldn't buy it. The house was made of wood (the type of wood slats found in old houses which are interlocking). The house was twice or thrice the size of the actual house owned by our neighboors and the interior is very dark, as if the house was made from mahogany or other hardwoods.

Somehow these dreams are unsettling, especially the element where I was looking for a job. If it includes me looking for a new job, it's ok but I was looking for a job (unemployed at the time I was looking for work).

Wednesday, April 22, 2009

Princess Princess D

I recently bought this anime/manga series from Makati Square. It's a drama starring real people (as opposed to animated characters) called Princess Princess D.

The plot is set in an all-male school in Japan where it is a tradition that freshmen are chosen every year to be the school's princesses. These guys would dress up as princesses and attend some school functions, visit clubs and basically be the school's crushes. In return for being princesses, the guys would receive free uniforms, free school supplies and even some allowance. A little bit of a stretch of imagination but still acceptable, especially if you come from the Philippines where education is held in high regard but not everyone has the resources to finish school.

The Princess system is implemented by the Student Council. The real story begins when a new guy enrolls in the school. He's a guy who walks slowly, snaps his fingers while he walks and basically what you would consider a cool guy. He becomes so popular that the Student Council President and his cohorts distrusts him. And they were right, this new guy plans to change the schools tradition and "set up fireworks". I find this intriguing, until I found out what his plans were. On the day that the Princesses were having their "Princess Hour" show (during lunch time - as a way to reestablish their waning popularity), this new guy shuts down electricity to the room that the Princesses were broadcasting their show from and ta da! comes up with his (and two other guys') own show as . . . DARK PRINCESSES. What?!

From then on, I lost interest in the series and fast forwarded to the end. Having some guys dress up as princesses is a little bit of a stretch. But having a new popular guy try to bring down a school tradition by becoming a Dark Princess is too much of a stretch. He could have invited girls to the school during school events and functions, but no. In the end, it turns out that the new guy is a brother (or a half brother) of the student council president and they have some dramatic confrontation but I lost interest and didn't bother to understand what it is all about.

This is a story that can only come out of the anime/manga of Japan.

Sunday, April 19, 2009

The Weekend

This weekend is somehow different from previous weekends. The boyfriend went to Rizal, hence we did not see each other.

I asked my high school friends to go out on Saturday and spend the night in my house. We went to Mall of Asia and I treated them to Coffee Bean and iMax. It was my first time to watch a movie in iMax (it was showing Monsters vs. Aliens) and I was amazed!. The movie is just so-so as expected from Dreamworks but it was the 3D effects that wowed me. Amazing. It looks like everything is three-dimensional so when the planets, asteriods and space ships were shown, it looks like they're really floating. And the flying leaves and hurtling asteriods made my wince as it feels like they're about to hit my face.

Then Saturday night we just spent watching Meet the Spartans (a movie that I've already watched and doesn't recommend since I think it's corny but they wanted to watch). It's more fun to watch a movie with friends. The jokes, albeit corny, seems funnier when there are others watching with you.

My friends left early Sunday morning and I spent most of Sunday drifting in and out of sleep (I'm not accustomed to sleeping with others on my bed). I went to SM hardware and bought an aircon filter and an extension that will work with a 1900W aircon unit (I bought an extension power chord with 2500W for Php749.75 - too expensive). Then I bought some more of those orange square-ish Melaware plates from SM department store.

I finally got the aircon to work properly with the new filter and an extension chord that doesn't overheat. I realized just how humid the weather is when I needed to throw away the accumulated water in the unit. In just 4 to 5 hours use of the unit, the water container is already full of about 2 liters of water. No wonder I feel really uncomfortable in this weather.

I rearranged some stuff at home so now I have a sort of coffee table with square ottomans on each side. I really want to buy a house or a condo so I can start doing some interior design work ala-Lifestyle network.

Oh well, that's it. Hoping for a good workweek and an exciting weekend.

Friday, April 17, 2009

The Amazing Susan Boyle!!!!!!!!!!

Yesterday, as in most days, I check the news in Yahoo home page and there was a video of Susan Boyle. I clicked on it and boy was I amazed!!!!

I normally don't go for superlatives but she deserves all the exclamation points!!!! I love musical, particularly Webber's and Boublil's/Schonbergs so it is no surprise that I immediately adored her.

For most people, admiration for Susan comes from surprise. You wouldn't expect THAT VOICE from someone who looks like her (she actually looks more like Mme. Thenardier), 47, unemployed and had mental disability during childhoold. For me it's not that she has a good voice, she performed the song so extraordinarily well. Comparable or even better than Ruthie Henshall's wonderful performance of the song during Les Mis' 10th Anniversary Concert. Yesterday, I thought Ruthie Henshall's version was still better but on going home, I popped my DVD of the Les Mis' anniversary concert and got to watch Ruthie's version. Now I am convinced that Susan's version is as good or even better. Ruthie's version is more emotional (as you'd expect when the song is sung within the play) but Susan's version is SOULFUL.

Kudos! Kudos! Because of Susan, it renewed my interest in Webber, Boublil/Schonberg and other musicals.

I'm expecting greater things for and from Susan Boyle.

Thursday, April 9, 2009

Holy Week Reflections

Today is Maundy Thursday. I just turned 28 and realized while typing the first sentence that I do not know what "Maundy" means. So I used the Ctrl+Alt+W to open wordweb. I then got this definition:

Maundy - (United Kingdom) a public ceremony on Maundy Thursday when the monarch distributes Maundy money.

After this useless attempt to find out what maundy means, I googled it and came across the wikipedia page for Maundy Thursday. It explains that the term maundy comes from latin "mandatum" which means commandments and that the Pope actually uses "Holy Thursday" or "Great and Holy Thursday", instead of "Maundy Thursday".

After all these searching on what Maundy means, I realized that today is actually Friday and not Thursday!


Oh well, Holy Week spending with my family here in Quezon. Not that there's anything wrong with that. I rarely go here, so Holy Week is one the few times of the year that I have to go home, or lack enough excuses on not going home. It's not because I don't like spending time here, it's just that I don't have a personal space here. I don't have my own room, don't have my own bed and with four kids running around, I don't get my peace. It's a big deal considering that I live alone in an apartment in Makati.


Just this week, Tuesday and Wednesday, I was too lazy to do any work done, and instead began reading blogs. I started with the usual blogs that I read then click the list of blogs on their side bar. Then on and on, it's like networking for blogs.
While doing this blognetworking, I realized that there are lots and lots of blogs here in the Philippines that are written by PLU. And each has his own story or stories to tell, nevermind that some of them have their sex stories to tell, in such detail, some even with pictures.

On realizing this, I begin to think that what I am writing in my blog can be considered utter nonsense (a drop of water in a big pond), especially compared with what others post. I don't have enough experience of falling in and out of love. I do however, have made some people fall in and out of love with me. But then it's their story to tell.

I have a dozen or a baker's dozen worth of sexual partners (in varying degrees from just kissing and heavy petting to hardcore sex) but I'm not one to kiss and tell. I don't feel good telling the juicy details of what happened with each and everyone of my sex partners, especially since most of my previous sex partners are still friends (good friends or friends who I haven't communicated with for some time).

Well, this blog is an expression of what I feel like writing and not necessarily written to detail my exploits. This blog is for me. This blog is not for others.

Sunday, April 5, 2009


Yesterday, while looking at the files in the boyfriend's cellphone, I noticed two recorded conversation in his phone. He bought the phone second hand (almost new) from Greenhills and the phone conversation was there when he bought the phone.

Turns out the phone conversation is an SOP between two young-ish guys. One is Dennis and the other one is unnamed. One lives in Quezon City and the other lives in Makati.

They were talking of what they would do to each other. They came twice and thinking of cumming a third time. The third time was not recorded in the phone. Hmmp!

These people, so careless of what they put on their phones. If I were an indecent guy, I could have posted these files online. What more if they left sex videos!

Saturday, April 4, 2009

Tarot Card: Hermit

I took this test and found out that I am a Hermit. Some qualities of the Hermit do apply to me. Some do not. Hehe

You are The Hermit

Prudence, Caution, Deliberation.

The Hermit points to all things hidden, such as knowledge and inspiration,hidden enemies. The illumination is from within, and retirement from participation in current events.

The Hermit is a card of introspection, analysis and, well, virginity. You do not desire to socialize; the card indicates, instead, a desire for peace and solitude. You prefer to take the time to think, organize, ruminate, take stock. There may be feelings of frustration and discontent but these feelings eventually lead to enlightenment, illumination, clarity.

The Hermit represents a wise, inspirational person, friend, teacher, therapist. This a person who can shine a light on things that were previously mysterious and confusing.

What Tarot Card are You?
Take the Test to Find Out.

Thursday, April 2, 2009

Reality TV

Having cable TV connections now, I get to watch many shows. I am particularly fond of watching shows on Maxxx (targetted at male audiences), Velvet (targetted at female audiences), Lifestyle (channel for cooking, fashion, design, etc.) and Asian Food Channel.

Watching Velvet made me realize how much "reality" shows there are in the US. Some reality shows are ok and I am willing to watch. For example, Survivor (the challenge parts), Amazing Race, American Idol and other talent search shows. But what I cannot understand are those reality shows where the camera just shows a bunch of people in one house (Big Brother) or just one people (reality shows of celebrities).

It's Complicated - Denise Richards
Living Lohan - Ali Lohan
Keeping Up with the Kardashians - Kim Kardashian and her family
A new reality show of Paula Abdul
A reality show of Pamela Anderson
The show of Kimora Lee Simmons(?) - an eventologist that I never heard of before I saw her show on TV

I can understand some "reality" shows where people go through challenges to achieve immunity or to win a million dollar, but a reality where you just watch a bunch of people sit and do crazy stuff while locked inside a home is just too much. The same for watching a reality shows that just follows a celebrity through their everyday lives.

Their lives are not that interesting anyway.

And I just noticed that most celebrity reality shows feature female celebrities. Female celebrities seem to be more willing to flaunt their lives on TV or they have more money to pay for a TV station to show their lives on screen, or they crave more attention that they want their lives on TV.

Anyway, some reality shows do have some impact. Without Pinoy Big Brother, we wouldn't have BB Gandanghari.


If my life were turned into a reality show. It would be really boring. It would start with me waking up at around 7 or 8 am, dawdling and watching TV, getting to work late, doing some "work", going out of the office at around 6 to 7pm, going to Japan Home Center or Shopwise, going home, watching TV, jerking off, then going to sleep. Weekends would be a little different with the boyfriend coming over.