The Mystery of the Straight Man

Growing up, I knew all too well that I am different from other guys. I never liked basketball and other contact sports, I love flowers, I have more girl playmates than boy playmates, and my left foot always rose up whenever I do a badminton serve. I was extremely good in school and in my elementary school, everyone from number 2 to number 10 was a girl or one gay boy (as I remember).

Because of these, I have difficulty relating to straight guys my age. Even in high school, my close guy friends were the ones that others would doubt as straight or would simply label as gay.

As such, the straight guy has always been a mystery to me. Most of the times, when I am riding in a jeepney and there's a cute straight guy on board, I always wonder what that straight guy is thinking about. Is he thinking about sex? Is he thinking about his girlfriend/s? Videogames? Personal finances? Or is he thinking about the same things I am thinking?

I think because a straight guy is a total mystery to me, I do feel more attractive to them. And wishes that one gorgeous straight guy would fall in love with me and we would spend romantic days together. Just wishes and dreams. They will never come true. And I don't want to set up a scholarship fund just for it to come true. I only want to be romantically involved with someone I consider an equal or just a little bit better: intellectually, financially, but a lllooootttt better physically. I can dream...