Thursday, December 20, 2007
Ok, to start off, there was an audit group meeting, which I did not attend since I may be the spotlight of the meeting due to my unarchived accounts. Turns out that the meeting wasn't that bad.
I intentionally did not go to work due to this meeting, hence, I no longer went to our group Christmas party last night. No big deal though. Seems like these days, nothing seems to matter. Not Christmas parties, not work, no nothing.
Then, I checked my email last night and what do you know?!, the job in the Channel Islands I was applying for did not materialize. The email said "we are unable to further process your application". Oh well, that's life. Maybe in a few months or so I will appreciate that I did not get that work, which requires me to move to Channel Islands in January. As Evita said, "Call in three months time and I'll be fine I know. Maybe not that fine, but I'll survive anyhow."
Early this morning, I received a text from Chard saying that the apartment that I was eyeing (or thinking of since I haven't seen it yet) was already promised by the landlady to someone who already gave a deposit. He said that the prospective lessee may still backout. Until then, all I can do is hope. I don't want to look for a fucking apartment.
And then, this morning, I opened the gift that I received for our exchange gifts (the gift giving happened last Tuesday night, but I was not there on account of my interview for the Channel Island job). And what do I find?! A fucking paisley tie!!! It was fashionable. . . like decades ago!!! Am I supposed to resurrect this pattern, which the most brave of designers refuse to put on their signature labels?
What a way to end the year! But all is not lost. I can hope that things will turn out for the better. In my life, it seems that they always do. Bad things happen for a reason. And these reasons ultimately turn out for the good.
Saturday, December 1, 2007
1. Ratatouille - Upon getting a taste of the simple ratatouille, the food critic suddenly remembers (using a very effective zoom out and zoom in) his mother's cooking that used to cheer him up when he was a kid.
2. Apocalypse Now - The attack on a coastal village by U.S. armies using helicopters with loud speakers booming The Ride of the Valkyries. A very effective physical and psychological tactic to intimidate the enemies.
3. Trainspotting - After taking drugs, a group of drug addicts passed out for a few days. After a few days of being knocked out, the group discovers the dead and gruesome greenish looking baby (of one of them) who died of hunger.
4. 2001: A Space Odyssey - A lot of beautiful images, the moon and the planets aligning with the monolith, the psychedelic mind journey to becoming a starchild and other simply amazing images.
5. Beaches - Bette Midler singing "The Glory of Love(?)" with the orphaned child of her bestfried.
This is one of my unfinished blogs. Still unfinished.
I was going to end it with a reflection on how I hope my life or episodes of my life would be remembered and never forgotten by people in my life.
But I figured, what's the use? I started writing and intended to write this blog simply about unforgettable movie scenes. Why relate it to my life? Why make something out of just simple words. Too self-absorbed. Too pretentious.
Some things are better as they are. No pretense.
Monday, November 26, 2007
And so narrated the Karen Eiffel about the mundane life of Harold Crick (an IRS agent). He, living a boring and repetitive life, having no friends, and filling his days by counting brushstrokes and steps. And she, a writer who smokes a lot and gets a writer block when it is time to kill Harold Crick.
This is not about that movie, which is very good by the way. But about how I identify with and envy Harold Crick. He's an IRS auditor, I am an external auditor. He lives alone, I currently live alone (still looking for a housemate). Ahhh, he likes the girl who works in the bakery, I like cute guys who work in coffee shops. Hmmm, all right, my life is not the same as his. I can only go so far with the comparisons.
Unlike Harold Crick who lives alone and doesn't realize the boredom in his life, until a strange voice began telling him how mundane and seemingly insignificant his days are, I live with the knowledge that my life is boring. No strange voice need to tell me this. But familiar voices are telling me otherwise, that I have a lot to be thankful for (which is true), that I am cute and attractive (ahem!!!) and so many other things. I guess they're right. But my emotions and my thoughts are not controlled by what others tell me. It is controlled by my sometimes hyperactive brain, which finds unhappiness in the most joyful surroundings and happiness in the bleakest landscapes, which can find the good in the most despisable people and fault in the most likeable persons. Yes, my mind can control a lot of things in my life and I can't seem to control my mind.
I wish that some voice would narrate my life so that I can find busi-ness in the most routine task and in the most empty times. I can just listen to that voice and admire how the most seemingly routine task can be described in the most eloquent of words. But I just wish it would be someone who can speak perfect english (in pronunciation and enunciation) and with a good vocabulary. Otherwise, I'd be spending the rest of my life being irritated and distracted by the grammatical errors and lapses, gross mispronunciation and badly constructed sentences, phrases and clauses. Boring as my current life may be, I still deserve to have someone of talent to narrate my existence.
I finished editing an FS for an audit that has extended for more than 2 years.
An earthquake shook Metro Manila and other provinces. Being on the 19th floor of our building, the earthquake seemed strong.
I went to lunch at our building's foodcourt. Couldn't decide on what to eat so I bought salisbury steak with buttered vegetables, which is just bland ground beef with hardly any gravy and with a few slices of buttered sayote.
While eating, I saw a guy I went on a date with. At first I did not see his face. I just saw him put a plastic cup of frappe with his name on it on a nearby table. I remembered his name and figured it must be him. It was him and he went to where I am eating to exchange some words. He was with a girl.
I texted him about having a "gf". Of course he found it ridiculous, him being out to his friends and family (except to his lola who is too old to handle such news).
I smoked some cigarettes and went back to the office.
I edited some portions of the illustrative FS, particularly on the portion of cash flow statement. I stopped doing that.
I am now writing this blog and am very sleepy. I want to go home and sleep.
In a few hours, I would be going home to sleep. Most probably I'd be watching some TV, then a movie in DVD then go to sleep late.
Tomorrow, it will probably be the same, except that there may not be an earthquake and there is a very small chance that I will accidentally met a guy who I went out on a date with.
Haaaay. Mundane life. Boring days. Unexciting nights.
Sunday, November 25, 2007
Then, I went to Makati Cinema Square to look for new DVDs. There I found some treasures. DVDs I've been looking for for quite sometime.
Among these are:
1. Intolerance - Directed by D.W. Griffith in 1916 and produced in response to criticism to his earlier film, Birth of a Nation.
2. Ivan the Terrible, Part I - A film by the legendary Russian director Sergei Eisenstein.
3. L'Atalante - Jean Vigo's film that has been in the Sound and Sight film surveys.
4. Rebecca, Marnie, and Vertigo - Directed by the master of suspense, Alfred Hitchcock.
5. Mariscos Beach - A comedy set in ..... tada! Mariscos Beach.
6. Pixar Short Films - A collection of the short films of Pixar - from the earliest short to the latest.
7. A Streetcar Named Desire - I have this in VCD but a DVD copy would be better.
8. Sunset Blvd. - I also have this Billy Wilder film but again, a DVD copy would be better. "All right Mr. De Mille, I'm ready for my close up."
9. La Strade - by the Italian master director, Federico Fellini.
10. Like Water for Chocolate
11. Kolya - a Czech film which won the Golden Globe and Oscar for Best Foreign Language film.
I consider these DVD my treasures and as of now, they are my most proud material possessions. I currently have about 400 DVDs and 300 VCDs. The total cost (acquired through the years) exceed about P70,000. Wow!
I haven't watched all of these and I watched some movies more than once. I'm just collecting and collecting and selecting the best for my viewing pleasure.
Monday, November 19, 2007
It tells about the lives of different people living in New York (after the 9/11 attack) who go to an underground club "Shortbus." The movie is full of sex scenes but it is not about sex. It is about sexuality. The main characters have sex with other people (a lot too) but they don't get sexual gratification, such as the case of the sex therapist who never had an orgasm in her life.
But underneath all the sex, there's a strong emotion of sadness in the characters' life. Is it really that the lives of New Yorkers are sad and lonely?
Sunday, November 18, 2007
On that fateful night, I learned from the Weekend Report that I was the sole winner of the P105 million lotto jackpot. I simple couldn't contain my joy. I didn't know what to do or who to tell the goodnews to. I simply couldn't sleep.
The news did not mention where the winning lotto ticket was purchased nor did it tell about the person who won. Well, of course, they should protect the winner's identity, they should protect my identity!
After the excitement has finally worn down, I made the right thing and went to sleep. Early the following morning, I got up early and went to the lotto office to claim my prize (To hell with work that I missed. After all, what is my daily salary compared to the millions of pesos which I just won). I requested that my price be made in 10 equal checks payable to me. I deposited these checks in my different bank accounts. I just couldn't put all my eggs in one basket. I wouldn't take the chance.
During that week, I paid all my credit card bills, finished my pending client (despite the difficulty in focusing on work, who could think about work when he has millions to spend?) and informed my bosses that I would be taking a leave the following week. They did not approve of the vacation leave but they couldn't stop me.
I couldn't sleep during the week, I kept thinking of how best to manage the fortune that came my way. I decided that I will not tell anybody about this fortunate event, though bursting my heart and head is. I created a separate blog and wrote all the things that I couldn't tell anybody. Not that I didn't trust other people - my parents, my dear friend who was in Jersey. It's just that it's better that my hidden fortune remains a secret until I could decide on my course of action.
I would, after a week, tender my resignation from my work, citing health reasons for my decision to leave the firm.
During that sleepless week, I made a decision to surprise my parents and other family members. I asked them a supposedly theoretical question of where they want to go if they can go outside the Philippines. My father, being the foreign-loving person that he is, wanted to go to Europe. My mother, the good Christian that she is, wanted to go to Jerusalem. After that theoretical question, I talked about other mundane things to erase whatever hopes they have of going abroad but I did made them get a passport, so as my other family members (my sister, sister-in-laws and nephews and niece).
After a week of secret meetings with my travel agent, I finally decided to tell my family that we are going on a tour. . . abroad. My agent made the plans. We would go to Israel to visit Jerusalem, then off to Europe - UK, France, Italy, Greece and Switzerland. They were, of course, ecstatic. I told them that a good client-friend offered my his ticket for the tour for a very reasonable price. I still couldn't tell them that I won the lottery. They were bugging me with questions but I kept my mouth shut. They will know in time.
The tour went well and we had a great time.
Upon arrival back home, I finally told my parents about the fortune. They were very happy for me but being the simple folks that they are, they had no big or expensive request. They simply wanted me to buy the plot of land where our house is located and repair the house. I did all that and that made them very happy. I bought them an entertainment package and expanded our sari-sari store. I gave them money to do as they please.
And yes, I bought a house (in Laguna) as an investment and a condo in Makati. I also bought my very first vehicle, a Hummer. I invested 2/3 of my remaining fortune in mutual funds, and the other half in time deposits. I know money won't last so I need an investment that will pay an annuity.
I went to Channel Islands to surprise my best friend and she was very happy, especially after I told her of my recent luck. We went on a tour of France, as her work schedule permits, and promised her that when her contract there ends, we will go someplace else for a longer tour.
. . . . .
That was a year ago. After nine months of travelling and buying stuff, I was once again bored of my rich life. I rejoined my audit firm as an audit manager so that I would have things to do during my time.
And yes, after working again for three months, I have a client meeting tomorrow. All meeting materials were already prepared by my trusted audit senior. And now, I have to sleep, rich as I am, I still need to look my best tomorrow for the meeting.
Ahhh. The sweet life! I would like to say I lived happily ever after but I don't know that the future holds. And so with a smile on my face, I am going to sleep.
Last night, I watched the Pinoy Meets World tv program. The hosts went to Switzerland, explored the country, visited a Swiss clock shop, sampled its cuisine and met Filipinos living there. It was an interesting show and the country is simply beautiful.
After the show, the Weekend Report featured the news about the sole winner of the P105 million lotto jackpot. And so my mind wandered. . .
After about an hour of (day?) dreaming, I had to sleep. I have a lot of work stuff to finish tomorrow. I sighed and accepted my current situation.
Like the mosquito that bit me during that night:
Reality bites. . . and it sucks too!
Thursday, November 15, 2007
I don't know if Dr. Oz is a wizard or a genius but he sure made watching an episode about health issues entertaining. He brings body parts (yes body parts) showing what the internal organs of a healthy person looks like compared to an unhealthy one.
Anyway, some things I learned from him:
1. The fat around the midsection (or the beerbelly) is called omentum.
2. You get enough water when your pee is clear (or you can read through it). A yellower pee means that you don't get enough water and your body waste is not all washed out.
3. The best way to remove the sting of a jellyfish is by rubbing it with vinegar (acid).
4. People who have orgasms at least 200 times a year age better (haha!). - This translates to sexual intercourse which results in orgasm of at least every other day.
5. If you lose 35 pounds, you gain about an inch of your penis. :-)
6. More people have heart attacks on Monday mornings due to stress.
7. The most important number in a persons health is his/her blood pressure.
Wednesday, November 14, 2007
Having been on earth for 26 years and 7 1/2 months, I had approximately 26,600 dreams. But of course I don't remember all of them, I can barely remember the dream I had last night.
From the dream fragments that I remember, I recall dreams about flying (or more correctly, hovering, just like the way kung fu fighters skin over the treetops) and being pursued by someone who is just running below me.
Lately, however, my dreams seems to take a kind of movie-feel. I don't remember exactly what these dreams were, but I can remember that when I wake up, I have the feeling of having just watched a movie or participated in one. And, mind you, these are no ordinary movie-dreams. Not the trashy violence and sex ridden types but first rate movie-dreams. If there is someway I could remember these dreams and write them into a screenplay, I'll be a famous screenwriter.
One dream I can still remember is something like a drama. I forgot how the dream went but I can remember that in that dream, I was supposedly the son of somebody called Harry Hausens. I did an internet research on this name and I came up with a person named Ray Harryhausen, a pioneering model animator who did work on some old movies like Mighty Joe Young, The Seventh Voyage of Sinbad and Jason and the Argonauts. How appropriate that my supposed father in my dream is someone who is or is named after a famous movie person.
Monday, November 12, 2007
At least with an 80gb external drive, I will be able to save a lot more files of whatever nature.
I used to have 13++gb of music files, most of which were deleted, thanks to our ever reliant Technology group. All music and video files are no longer allowed to be saved in our "d" drive but you can't store much in the "c" drive because your computer will runout of operating disk space or something like that. And now I am storing all my music cds into wma format. So far I have used less than 8gb for my music files. Much less than my original files.
My internet life (in the office) is also severely limited by the various programs that blocks most of the good stuff: no friendster, no g4m, no game sites, no job sites and no porn sites. I don't mind much blocking the porn sites, but the inability to access the other sites is very frustrating. And we can't even use proxies anymore.
Because of all this internet blocking, my internet life is limited to very few sites, like blogspot, imdb, wikipedia, yahoo, my banking sites and some other "harmless" sites. I'm only able to access friendster and g4m through my cellphone (which most of the times have network problems) or when I go to internet shops.
Friday, November 9, 2007
- Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon - Ang Lee's best film. A hybrid of HK wuxia films and western style sentimentality. Every movement flows, every dialogue a poetry.
- Moulin Rouge - My favorite musical created by the visionary Baz Luhrmann. The films is very energetic and fresh that no matter how many times I see it, it always brings a smile to my face.
- The House - A film I rediscovered and loved the first time and second time I watched it. Wonderful screenplay, direction, acting and editing.
- 2001: A Space Odyssey - The film that inspired Star Wars. Kubrick's opus stands the test of time and looks great 29 years after its original release. Forget the story, just be astounded and awed by the wonderful special effects.
- Delicatessen - Jean Pierre Jeunet (pre-Amelie) working with Mark Caro. A funny film set in post-war France.
- Cidade de Deus - A powerful film about a place as told through the lives of the people who live in it.
- Gone with the Wind - Beautifully photographed. The colors alive after more than 50 years since its original theatrical release (thank God for Technicolor!). Almost 4 hours long but not a dull moment. After all, tomorrow is another day.
- Casablanca - Hmmm, watch it again, Sam.
Someday when I have the time, I may be able to expand this list and be more concrete on why I love these films.
Even Shakespeare's works is just a drop of water in the Pacific Ocean of human experiences.
I am also reminded of Douglas Adam's books. In his book (in the Hitchhikers' Guide to Galaxy), he says that the universe has no literature since literature supposedly mirrors life and there is no mirror large enough to reflect the universe.
When writing, as when working, my mind always wanders such that what I put in words almost always meanders. I cannot get focus.
Again, I stop here. I would like to claim that I can not put a sensible conclusion to this blog because I have the writer's block. But then I am not a writer. At least not a writer of belles lettres.
. . . I wanted to be a writer, that's all.
I wanted to write about it all.
Everything that happens in a moment.
. . . All our feelings - yours and mine.
The history of it.
Who we once were.
Everything in the world.
Everything mixed up.
Like it's all mixed up now.
And I failed.
No matter what you start up with, it ends up being so much less.
- Richard Brown, The Hours
When I was in high school, I used to join and win in essay writing competitions (local and provincial). On ordinary occasions, I write good. When I am inspired I write better but when I am inspired and really know what I want to write about, I can produce a finely written work.
Hmmm, that reminds me, his way of writing is not very different from mine. It's just that he seems to have more life experiences than I have. But then I cannot blame him or myself. The events of my life will not make an interesting Maalala Mo Kaya or Magpakailanman episode. My life's a bore.
Thursday, November 8, 2007
LEONARD: Why does someone have to die? . . .
In your book, is it someone have to die? . . .
VIRGINIA: Someone has to die in order that the rest of us should value life more.
LEONARD: And who will die?
VIRGINIA: The poet will die.
Monday, November 5, 2007
The movie is one of the best films I've seen. From the powerhouse cast, to the good screenplay, nice editing and good direction, the movie really deserves a 10/10 rating (or 4 stars from movie critics).
The movie is the story of the lives of Virginia Woolf, Laura Brown and Clarissa Vaughn.
Virginia Woolf struggles with her "insanity" and the restrictive confines of her society. She writes Mrs. Dalloway while undergoing through her struggles.
Laura Brown is a middle aged mother who is bored with her role as a housewife. She reads Mrs. Dalloway and decides on a drastic course of action that will have an impact on the lives of others.
Clarissa Vaughn, who is living the life of Mrs. Dalloway in modern-day New York, is planning on giving a party for her dear friend, who just won a major literary prize.
I have seen this movie once before and I was struck on the beauty of the film, the great acting and the very fine interweaving of the three stories. Seeing the film for the second time gave mo more time to understand it.
The screenplay is really really good. No dialogue in the film is wasted... no chatty talks, no unnecessary curses, each word has a meaning and adds a meaning to the story. The screenplay is very well complimented by the nice direction and film editing. During the first few minutes of the film, the parallel cuts of the three stories seems so fluid that it seems as if the action is taking place in only one place and one time.
Of course, a big part of the credit should go to Michael Cunningham for the wonderful novel (it did after all, win the Pulitzer Prize).
I'd like to say so much more about this movie but words escape me at this point.
to look life in the face,
always... to look life in the face...
and to know it... for what it is...
at last to know it...
to love it... for what it is...
to put it away...
always the years between us
always the years...
always the love...
always the hours...
It was in these shows that many talents were discovered. That's Entertainment is practically a factory for young stars. Then, that format for discovering talents passed out of style. With the coming of such shows as Ang TV.
GMA Supershow dominated Sunday afternoons. It was at this time when stars would grace the show and fans could come up to stage and put leis of sampaguita on them. Some would go as far as to wipe the perspiration off their idols and even kiss their idols.
Today, Kuya Germ's is reduced to a very late night TV show. Talking and still trying to kindle that STAR MAKER quality at a time when people are either sleeping or out on gimmicks. I bet his show was just GMA's way of showing gratitude to a man who was of great use to the station a decade ago.
Kuya Germs remind me so much of Kris Aquino. Whereas Kris dominates ABS-CBN shows today, Kuya Germs dominates channel 7 a decade ago.
Will Kris Aquino's fate be the same as that of Kuya Germs.
In fairness to Kuya Germs, he spent his TV life helping (careerwise and financially) many people. I cannot say the same for Kris as I do not know where she spends her money.
Sunday, November 4, 2007
Last November 1, I went to Landmark and was surprised that DVDs which were previously selling at P299 or higher were on sale and were selling at P199. Of course I was enticed to buy some of the titles. I bought Bambi (which I have not yet seen), Toy Story 1 and 2 and A Bug's Life (which I have seen but I am collecting Pixar feature films, so I bought them anyway), and Borat.
I have a pirated DVD copy of Borat which doesn't work well so at P199, I thought why not buy the original. I have seen HMV copies of Borat in Makati Cinema Square and even bought one of these I think months ago (I eventually returned this since the the sound is not in English). Also, the writings on the cover of the copy that I bought is Greek or Russian. At that time when I bought (and returned) the pirated copy of Borat, an original copy of Borat was selling at Landmark for P550. Such a big difference.
Then, when I got home, I was excited and opened the Borat DVD. The DVD is in a DVD box with a "DVD jacket" that boasts of additional 30 or 60 minutes of previously unseen footage. Then, when I opened and removed the DVD jacket, I was surprised and very disappointed that the DVD cover on the box itself is written in the very same Greek or Russian. The disc itself is not printed with the Borat picture. Instead, it was like one of those discs you can buy in CDR King and other stores. The name "Borat" is just written in black marker, I think. When I played it on my DVD, it doesn't work. Well, my DVD players is kinda old and it doesn't read most DVDs the first time you put it in. I no longer tried it again and returned it to the box, thinking that I could replace it with a different DVD from Landmark. I even saved the tape receipt.
Yesterday (November 4), I went back to Landmark to exchange the DVD for a new title. The salesladies told me that the disc I bought was indeed like that. They also refused to exchange my disc citing that the disc I bought already have scratches and they don't change DVDs on the basis that I did not like the content of the disc.
Well, I guess the few scratches on the disc were my fault. However, I still believe that I have the right to return the DVD because the DVD jacket of the disc is in English and boasts of DVD features and the disc itself looks like pirated.
Since they refuse to exchange my disc for other titles, I was so frustrated and irritated that I couldn't help but blurt out "Dapat pirated na lang ang binili ko."
And yes, I am planning to buy pirated DVDs when I could and buy only original DVDs when I really like the title.
ON OPTICAL MEDIA BOARD AND QUALITY OF DVDs
Edu Manzano's Optical Media Board (OMB) frequently conducts raid on sellers of pirated DVDs. It is on the premise of intellectual property rights and that sellers of pirated DVDs are "stealing" from the copyright owners of these works. That, I can't refute. Copyright owners should be given due compensation for their work. However, due compensation as defined by these owners seem to be very expensive, especially for a country like the Philippines.
As I said, I understand the need for these war against piracy being waged by the OMB. It needs to protect the copyright owners from "robbers" who steal their work. However, I believe that the OMB should also ensure that consumers are being protected from businesses. If they are conducted raids to ensure that noone is stealing copyrighted works, I believe they should also be reviewing the quality of the "original" discs being released by film distributors.
On certain occasions, I have bought "original" DVDs which do not seem to be original. To all buyers of "original DVDs", avoid these:
1. The aforementioned Borat title
2. All foreign titles released by Viva where you can see at the back of the DVD cover the logo of Viva.
These so called original DVDs have quality that are so bad you'll feel like you're watching a VCD. For one, they are usually released in full screen. The quality of the picture is bad - as I said, something like the quality of VCD releases. And some have no subtitles.
It is sad to note that while the OMB, through the push of American distributors, are raiding pirated disc sellers, nothing is being done to protect the consumers.
It is also very sad and very frustrating that while the quality of pirated discs are ever improving (there are DVDs that are now sold with complete features) and their price going down, the quality of so-called "original" DVDs have not caught up. If film distributors, like Viva, want people to buy original DVDs, they should do something about the quality of their products. Furthermore, they should reduce the price of these DVDs even more.
REASONS WHY I BUY PIRATED DVDs
Like many other people, I have several reasons why I buy pirated DVDs.
1. Of course the price. Original DVDs generally cost P299. Pirated DVDs cost P60 or less.
2. The available titles. There are more (and I mean MORE) titles available on pirated DVDs than in original DVDs. For instance, I was able to buy very old titles like "Birth of a Nation", "M" and "Metropolis" in pirated DVDs. These titles are not available in original discs, at least not here in the Philippies.
3. And now because of the Borat incident, return and exchange policies. I have bought several defective DVDs and I was able to exchange them with their sellers. There was only one time that I wanted to exchange and original DVD and I was refused.
THE FUTURE OF PIRACY
I read an article in a magazine, either GQ, Vanity Fair or Details, about internet piracy in Sweden. The article talks about the prevalence of internet piracy and how it is affecting film companies in the US. No less than a leading officer of Disney was quoted as saying that piracy is a new business model and that film companies should be able to adapt to such model.
Here in the Philippines, internet piracy is not as prevalent as piracy through physical discs (mainly because of the underdeveloped internet infrastructure). I can say that pirated DVDs are here to stay.
As the saying goes, if you can't beat 'em, join 'em.
Saturday, November 3, 2007
I have been living in my apartment for more than three years now. And I don't want to move to a new place because: (1) I have a lot of stuff to move and that would be difficult; and (2) it's difficult to find a good place in makati. Besides, I've grown accustomed to that place.
Well, I started living there with two college friends. One of them moved out after less than a year and the other one moved out several months after. I stayed alone for about two or three months. then I had siblings for housemates. They were there for more than a year. Then they left and I was left alone again for two months, I think. Then my first housemate moved back in again, but she just left to go to UK to work.
And so here I am again, searching for a housemate.
My first housemates were ok. Well, why shouldn't they be? They were my friends and I can say that we had some good and memorable times at that apartment. Then the second set of housemates was not so fun. We hardly talk. We each have our own TV in our rooms so the common area became just a place we pass through on our way the CR or on our way out or when we come back from outside or when we wash the dishes and do some other routine stuff. Hell, we lived together for more than a year and we spoke only when it is the time of the month when we need to pay our rent. And even then, very laconically.
I am looking for a housemate who I can talk to. Friendly, accepts me for who I am (all my loud -watching, smoking habit, etc.). I am so bored out of my mind being alone that I need someone I can relate to and interact with.
And now I'm all alone again
Nowhere to turn no one to go to
Without a home, without a friend
Without a face to say hello to
And now the night is near.... now I can live inside my head.
Well, luckyn for Eponine, she has someone to obsess about. AS for me, I am here, stuck with nothing to obsess about.
So here I am in an internet cafe at 11:30 in the evening, pouring my mind on this very impersonal thing. Lucky if someone would take the time to read my blogs.
And so the day began with me waking up at 10am. Nothing to do (I was supposed to go out with a friend the whole day, but I guess she is not that enthusiastic about going out today with me).
Watching TV the whole day, going to Puregold to buy that roasted chicken which doesn't tast that good, and watching the first half of Blue Velvet are all that I done today. I would've said accomplished but looking back, these are not really accomplishments. Just things I did.
Oh! And I washed the dishes which have been sitting there for a few days.
Well, I just wished I had the drive to go to work today and finish my work. I am so damn lazy these days (well, lazy at work for more than a year now).
These people are the those who watch foreign language films, art house films, classics and even some trash movies.
I hope that sometime we can get together and have a movie marathon or something. Or just even watch movies in cinemas together. What a refreshing time that would be from watching movies on my own alone in my apartment.
Friday, September 7, 2007
Though I wouldn't call my life a walk in the park, it has not been hard either. It seems like everything worked on their own, studying from preschool to high school, getting in and finishing in the country's premier university, being a topnotcher in the board exam and getting work easily.
In all those years, it has been my determination to excel (for myself) and divine help that has got me through. And now, it seems my determination has gone. As if I no longer care whether I excel or not, whether I turn in mediocre work or the best work. I just want to get through everything.
I don't hate my life. I'm just bored with it.
But I'm too lazy to do anything about it. I think I have become too complacent with my life, have been used to things working out for me, have been accustomed to expecting the best (or at least good) things life has to offer.
At this time, many of my college batchmates are either in other countries (working there and getting paid a lot more money than what I receive), on their way to other countries (to work there and get paid a lot more money than what I receive), or are working here in the Philippines (and still getting a lot more money than what I receive). Am I envious of their life? I guess so.
Of course, hearing good news about a friend is always good. But when that good news is about something better than what you have, at the back of your mind you envy them. And I do envy them... a little.
Most of my life I have not measured how my life fared by comparing it to other people. I was mostly satisfied with what I get, with what I receive, with how I live. But then again, I have gotten and received things or lived better than others. And now, with people I know getting more than what I do and living better than I do, that makes things a little bit difficult for me and that somehow I am envious.
I guess these things that enters my mind and makes me depressed started a year or so ago. I was tired with work (not just physically but mentally, but then the mind makes my body tired). I couldn't/wouldn't want to go to work.
About two or three months ago, I met my college friends for the christening of the child of another friend. I think all of the guys and gals not in audit have their own car. Poor us who stayed in audit. We have to hitch rides.
Then, about two months ago, I learned that one of my bestfriends is going to London to work! I never expected that. I have always thought he'd stay and that he'd be a sure partner in our firm. Then, my bestfriend, whom I have always thought would stay as long as I am here in the Philippines, also announced that she'd be going to Jersey (Channel Islands) to work. Ok, it is understandable that people, auditors, would want to work abroad due to the great disparity in compensation. But I never expected that they'd move on while I'll be left behind.
Of course all this moving on found me in a flurry to apply abroad. I want to work abroad, not necessarily with them. But just so I won't be left behind. Alas, at the time I was desperate to go abroad, it was too late. Most of the accounting firms abroad have already found who they want to hire for the year. I will be left behind.
And yes, being left behind, when I was ahead of them at the start, is really depressing.
I wake up every morning (at least it's in the morning these days), watch some tv, then decide whether to go to work or not (except when I am forced to, like when I have a meeting with client), then take a shower, dress then endure the heat to go to work.
Then sometime at noon, I have to eat lunch then go back to work after.
Well, sometimes I don't do work, just search the sites that are not restricted by our IT group.
After office hours, I go to the apartment I rent, watch tv and/or watch some DVD. Most of the times, it would be either "Friends", which maybe I have seen several times, or a foreign language film (or an unknown English film or cult favorite).
Then, at around 10pm to 12mn, I have to go to sleep, either out of sleepiness or because I have to go to work early the following day.
And so my life goes......
I never expected my life to be like this. But, I never expected anything out of my life. Not that I don't care or value my life, it's just that I didn't plan ahead. Or I didn't have specific plans of what my life would be.
When I was in high school, I didn't know what to take up in college or where to go in college. That decision came only when I was in fourth year and the UP entrance exam was coming up.
Then in college, I didn't know where to work after passing the CPA entrance exam. I didn't even take into account the board exam at that time. Hmmm, well, I did want to go to Unilever or Procter&Gamble. But then, who didn't? I guess every guy and gal back in my college wanted to work there. Who wouldn't? They were there for every college event with CBA graduates flaunting (or at least sharing) good stories about their company. And then, you'd hear about how much you'd make when you work in those two companies. For a college student who lives on approximately P1500 per month, that would be a big step! But then again, working in those two companies are reserved for those who have shown leadership or "leadership" while in college. But then again, nevermind.
I decided to work in an auditing firm when I was reviewing for the board exam. I decided to work in a specific auditing firm after passing the exam. Three and a half years later, I am still here, in the auditing firm I chose.
I would like to say that I am here by choice - that I like the friendly atmostphere here, that working here is learning and that the pay is not that bad. The friendly atmosphere I guess is correct, people are cordial to each other and most people know your name. It is ironic, however, that I have made few friends (or at least friends who I care about or who cares about me, other than in the normal polite and curious way).
The learning stuff is true. I learn a lot of things here. Things about how companies work, etc. etc.
As for the pay, I guess it's not that bad. But I could get better. I was offered a position (accounting manager) by one of my clients for approximately twice what I earn now. I turned it down, saying that I like audit work and I may not be efficient doing other things. That is somehow true. But imagine how easier my financial life would have been.
I am burning down. Yes, burning down not burning up. It's worse than burning up. At least when you burn up you burn in a grand manner. Like a firework suddenly exploding in a profusion of colors. People watch and admire.
It seems like I'm burning in a way a candle is slowly being put out by the melted wax accumulating near the top, where the wax drowns out the wick that holds the fire. Slowly, and ever slowly, the fire dies down. People don't notice. They will not notice nor appreciate the slow dimming of the light. They won't know until all the fire's died down.
Wednesday, July 25, 2007
My most recent unsuccessful try involves creating musical bottles.
A few weeks ago while I was cleaning the apartment, I got annoyed at all the San Mig Light and Cali bottles at the apartment. Don't wanna throw them out as I may need them when I buy SML or Cali again. Then I remembered that back in high school, I created musical bottles. It was then that I got the idea of creating musical bottles using all these SML and Cali bottles. Being the lazy person that I am, it took me two or three more weeks before I could get enough will and determination to put this plan into action.
And so, I got the first bottle and put water enough to fill the whole container. I struck the bottle. The pitch sounded high, much higher than I expected. After pouring water in the second and third bottles and striking them using a wooden spoon, I was disappointed to find out that the tone hardly varied. It was almost the same high-pitched tone as the first bottle. And so, with all hopes dashed, I abandoned this futile exercises and did what I almost always do at home - watch DVD movies.
I remember creating a set of musical bottles back in high school for our Music class. It was easy, just pour water into bottles in different amounts and listen. Back then, I used Tanduay bottles, the so-called "lapad". It worked pretty well and the tones were almost perfect.
Oh well, effort wasted. I guess it has to do with the bottles. My friend said that SML/Cali bottles are proportionately thicker than the Tandua bottles so there is less room for the sound to vibrate, thus resulting in the almost-same high-pitched tone.
And now, I still have nothing productive to do at work and am still wondering what to do with all those bottles.
Just got back the result my English diagnostic test here at work. I did not exactly get the best score but I did get an "Excellent!" remark on the essay that I wrote. And that was enough to satisfy my competitive desire.
I have been thinking of having a "busy-ness", something to occupy my time, something I can spend time on. Seems like watching DVD movies is no longer enough for me.
And when I got the result of my English diagnostic test, I was inspired to write.
And here I am.