It's 4 days to go before Christmas and yet I don't feel like celebrating. Things seem to go wrong. It's like that law where if things have a possibility of going wrong, they will.
Ok, to start off, there was an audit group meeting, which I did not attend since I may be the spotlight of the meeting due to my unarchived accounts. Turns out that the meeting wasn't that bad.
I intentionally did not go to work due to this meeting, hence, I no longer went to our group Christmas party last night. No big deal though. Seems like these days, nothing seems to matter. Not Christmas parties, not work, no nothing.
Then, I checked my email last night and what do you know?!, the job in the Channel Islands I was applying for did not materialize. The email said "we are unable to further process your application". Oh well, that's life. Maybe in a few months or so I will appreciate that I did not get that work, which requires me to move to Channel Islands in January. As Evita said, "Call in three months time and I'll be fine I know. Maybe not that fine, but I'll survive anyhow."
Early this morning, I received a text from Chard saying that the apartment that I was eyeing (or thinking of since I haven't seen it yet) was already promised by the landlady to someone who already gave a deposit. He said that the prospective lessee may still backout. Until then, all I can do is hope. I don't want to look for a fucking apartment.
And then, this morning, I opened the gift that I received for our exchange gifts (the gift giving happened last Tuesday night, but I was not there on account of my interview for the Channel Island job). And what do I find?! A fucking paisley tie!!! It was fashionable. . . like decades ago!!! Am I supposed to resurrect this pattern, which the most brave of designers refuse to put on their signature labels?
What a way to end the year! But all is not lost. I can hope that things will turn out for the better. In my life, it seems that they always do. Bad things happen for a reason. And these reasons ultimately turn out for the good.
Thursday, December 20, 2007
Saturday, December 1, 2007
Unforgettable Scenes
Some scenes become ingrained in our minds once we see them. These could be because of extreme beauty, shock or maybe you saw at the right place at the right time.
1. Ratatouille - Upon getting a taste of the simple ratatouille, the food critic suddenly remembers (using a very effective zoom out and zoom in) his mother's cooking that used to cheer him up when he was a kid.
2. Apocalypse Now - The attack on a coastal village by U.S. armies using helicopters with loud speakers booming The Ride of the Valkyries. A very effective physical and psychological tactic to intimidate the enemies.
3. Trainspotting - After taking drugs, a group of drug addicts passed out for a few days. After a few days of being knocked out, the group discovers the dead and gruesome greenish looking baby (of one of them) who died of hunger.
4. 2001: A Space Odyssey - A lot of beautiful images, the moon and the planets aligning with the monolith, the psychedelic mind journey to becoming a starchild and other simply amazing images.
5. Beaches - Bette Midler singing "The Glory of Love(?)" with the orphaned child of her bestfried.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
This is one of my unfinished blogs. Still unfinished.
I was going to end it with a reflection on how I hope my life or episodes of my life would be remembered and never forgotten by people in my life.
But I figured, what's the use? I started writing and intended to write this blog simply about unforgettable movie scenes. Why relate it to my life? Why make something out of just simple words. Too self-absorbed. Too pretentious.
Some things are better as they are. No pretense.
1. Ratatouille - Upon getting a taste of the simple ratatouille, the food critic suddenly remembers (using a very effective zoom out and zoom in) his mother's cooking that used to cheer him up when he was a kid.
2. Apocalypse Now - The attack on a coastal village by U.S. armies using helicopters with loud speakers booming The Ride of the Valkyries. A very effective physical and psychological tactic to intimidate the enemies.
3. Trainspotting - After taking drugs, a group of drug addicts passed out for a few days. After a few days of being knocked out, the group discovers the dead and gruesome greenish looking baby (of one of them) who died of hunger.
4. 2001: A Space Odyssey - A lot of beautiful images, the moon and the planets aligning with the monolith, the psychedelic mind journey to becoming a starchild and other simply amazing images.
5. Beaches - Bette Midler singing "The Glory of Love(?)" with the orphaned child of her bestfried.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
This is one of my unfinished blogs. Still unfinished.
I was going to end it with a reflection on how I hope my life or episodes of my life would be remembered and never forgotten by people in my life.
But I figured, what's the use? I started writing and intended to write this blog simply about unforgettable movie scenes. Why relate it to my life? Why make something out of just simple words. Too self-absorbed. Too pretentious.
Some things are better as they are. No pretense.
Monday, November 26, 2007
A Life Stranger than Fiction
"Little did he know that this seemingly innocuous act would be the cause of his imminent death."
And so narrated the Karen Eiffel about the mundane life of Harold Crick (an IRS agent). He, living a boring and repetitive life, having no friends, and filling his days by counting brushstrokes and steps. And she, a writer who smokes a lot and gets a writer block when it is time to kill Harold Crick.
This is not about that movie, which is very good by the way. But about how I identify with and envy Harold Crick. He's an IRS auditor, I am an external auditor. He lives alone, I currently live alone (still looking for a housemate). Ahhh, he likes the girl who works in the bakery, I like cute guys who work in coffee shops. Hmmm, all right, my life is not the same as his. I can only go so far with the comparisons.
Unlike Harold Crick who lives alone and doesn't realize the boredom in his life, until a strange voice began telling him how mundane and seemingly insignificant his days are, I live with the knowledge that my life is boring. No strange voice need to tell me this. But familiar voices are telling me otherwise, that I have a lot to be thankful for (which is true), that I am cute and attractive (ahem!!!) and so many other things. I guess they're right. But my emotions and my thoughts are not controlled by what others tell me. It is controlled by my sometimes hyperactive brain, which finds unhappiness in the most joyful surroundings and happiness in the bleakest landscapes, which can find the good in the most despisable people and fault in the most likeable persons. Yes, my mind can control a lot of things in my life and I can't seem to control my mind.
I wish that some voice would narrate my life so that I can find busi-ness in the most routine task and in the most empty times. I can just listen to that voice and admire how the most seemingly routine task can be described in the most eloquent of words. But I just wish it would be someone who can speak perfect english (in pronunciation and enunciation) and with a good vocabulary. Otherwise, I'd be spending the rest of my life being irritated and distracted by the grammatical errors and lapses, gross mispronunciation and badly constructed sentences, phrases and clauses. Boring as my current life may be, I still deserve to have someone of talent to narrate my existence.
And so narrated the Karen Eiffel about the mundane life of Harold Crick (an IRS agent). He, living a boring and repetitive life, having no friends, and filling his days by counting brushstrokes and steps. And she, a writer who smokes a lot and gets a writer block when it is time to kill Harold Crick.
This is not about that movie, which is very good by the way. But about how I identify with and envy Harold Crick. He's an IRS auditor, I am an external auditor. He lives alone, I currently live alone (still looking for a housemate). Ahhh, he likes the girl who works in the bakery, I like cute guys who work in coffee shops. Hmmm, all right, my life is not the same as his. I can only go so far with the comparisons.
Unlike Harold Crick who lives alone and doesn't realize the boredom in his life, until a strange voice began telling him how mundane and seemingly insignificant his days are, I live with the knowledge that my life is boring. No strange voice need to tell me this. But familiar voices are telling me otherwise, that I have a lot to be thankful for (which is true), that I am cute and attractive (ahem!!!) and so many other things. I guess they're right. But my emotions and my thoughts are not controlled by what others tell me. It is controlled by my sometimes hyperactive brain, which finds unhappiness in the most joyful surroundings and happiness in the bleakest landscapes, which can find the good in the most despisable people and fault in the most likeable persons. Yes, my mind can control a lot of things in my life and I can't seem to control my mind.
I wish that some voice would narrate my life so that I can find busi-ness in the most routine task and in the most empty times. I can just listen to that voice and admire how the most seemingly routine task can be described in the most eloquent of words. But I just wish it would be someone who can speak perfect english (in pronunciation and enunciation) and with a good vocabulary. Otherwise, I'd be spending the rest of my life being irritated and distracted by the grammatical errors and lapses, gross mispronunciation and badly constructed sentences, phrases and clauses. Boring as my current life may be, I still deserve to have someone of talent to narrate my existence.
* * * * *
(Update) On my way home from the office, it came to my mind that I made a grammatical error in this blog. Something on the cases of two pronouns. And on this very blog where I expressed my disdain for those English-speaking charlatans whose grammars are so bad they sound like the scratching of a fingernail against a chalkboard!!!
Today
Today, I went to the office early... or earlier than the usual time I go to the office.
I finished editing an FS for an audit that has extended for more than 2 years.
An earthquake shook Metro Manila and other provinces. Being on the 19th floor of our building, the earthquake seemed strong.
I went to lunch at our building's foodcourt. Couldn't decide on what to eat so I bought salisbury steak with buttered vegetables, which is just bland ground beef with hardly any gravy and with a few slices of buttered sayote.
While eating, I saw a guy I went on a date with. At first I did not see his face. I just saw him put a plastic cup of frappe with his name on it on a nearby table. I remembered his name and figured it must be him. It was him and he went to where I am eating to exchange some words. He was with a girl.
I texted him about having a "gf". Of course he found it ridiculous, him being out to his friends and family (except to his lola who is too old to handle such news).
I smoked some cigarettes and went back to the office.
I edited some portions of the illustrative FS, particularly on the portion of cash flow statement. I stopped doing that.
I am now writing this blog and am very sleepy. I want to go home and sleep.
In a few hours, I would be going home to sleep. Most probably I'd be watching some TV, then a movie in DVD then go to sleep late.
Tomorrow, it will probably be the same, except that there may not be an earthquake and there is a very small chance that I will accidentally met a guy who I went out on a date with.
Haaaay. Mundane life. Boring days. Unexciting nights.
I finished editing an FS for an audit that has extended for more than 2 years.
An earthquake shook Metro Manila and other provinces. Being on the 19th floor of our building, the earthquake seemed strong.
I went to lunch at our building's foodcourt. Couldn't decide on what to eat so I bought salisbury steak with buttered vegetables, which is just bland ground beef with hardly any gravy and with a few slices of buttered sayote.
While eating, I saw a guy I went on a date with. At first I did not see his face. I just saw him put a plastic cup of frappe with his name on it on a nearby table. I remembered his name and figured it must be him. It was him and he went to where I am eating to exchange some words. He was with a girl.
I texted him about having a "gf". Of course he found it ridiculous, him being out to his friends and family (except to his lola who is too old to handle such news).
I smoked some cigarettes and went back to the office.
I edited some portions of the illustrative FS, particularly on the portion of cash flow statement. I stopped doing that.
I am now writing this blog and am very sleepy. I want to go home and sleep.
In a few hours, I would be going home to sleep. Most probably I'd be watching some TV, then a movie in DVD then go to sleep late.
Tomorrow, it will probably be the same, except that there may not be an earthquake and there is a very small chance that I will accidentally met a guy who I went out on a date with.
Haaaay. Mundane life. Boring days. Unexciting nights.
Sunday, November 25, 2007
My Latest Treasure
Yesterday, I went to Quiapo to buy DVDs. I bought some DVDs but nothing worthwhile.
Then, I went to Makati Cinema Square to look for new DVDs. There I found some treasures. DVDs I've been looking for for quite sometime.
Among these are:
1. Intolerance - Directed by D.W. Griffith in 1916 and produced in response to criticism to his earlier film, Birth of a Nation.
2. Ivan the Terrible, Part I - A film by the legendary Russian director Sergei Eisenstein.
3. L'Atalante - Jean Vigo's film that has been in the Sound and Sight film surveys.
4. Rebecca, Marnie, and Vertigo - Directed by the master of suspense, Alfred Hitchcock.
5. Mariscos Beach - A comedy set in ..... tada! Mariscos Beach.
6. Pixar Short Films - A collection of the short films of Pixar - from the earliest short to the latest.
7. A Streetcar Named Desire - I have this in VCD but a DVD copy would be better.
8. Sunset Blvd. - I also have this Billy Wilder film but again, a DVD copy would be better. "All right Mr. De Mille, I'm ready for my close up."
9. La Strade - by the Italian master director, Federico Fellini.
10. Like Water for Chocolate
11. Kolya - a Czech film which won the Golden Globe and Oscar for Best Foreign Language film.
I consider these DVD my treasures and as of now, they are my most proud material possessions. I currently have about 400 DVDs and 300 VCDs. The total cost (acquired through the years) exceed about P70,000. Wow!
I haven't watched all of these and I watched some movies more than once. I'm just collecting and collecting and selecting the best for my viewing pleasure.
Then, I went to Makati Cinema Square to look for new DVDs. There I found some treasures. DVDs I've been looking for for quite sometime.
Among these are:
1. Intolerance - Directed by D.W. Griffith in 1916 and produced in response to criticism to his earlier film, Birth of a Nation.
2. Ivan the Terrible, Part I - A film by the legendary Russian director Sergei Eisenstein.
3. L'Atalante - Jean Vigo's film that has been in the Sound and Sight film surveys.
4. Rebecca, Marnie, and Vertigo - Directed by the master of suspense, Alfred Hitchcock.
5. Mariscos Beach - A comedy set in ..... tada! Mariscos Beach.
6. Pixar Short Films - A collection of the short films of Pixar - from the earliest short to the latest.
7. A Streetcar Named Desire - I have this in VCD but a DVD copy would be better.
8. Sunset Blvd. - I also have this Billy Wilder film but again, a DVD copy would be better. "All right Mr. De Mille, I'm ready for my close up."
9. La Strade - by the Italian master director, Federico Fellini.
10. Like Water for Chocolate
11. Kolya - a Czech film which won the Golden Globe and Oscar for Best Foreign Language film.
I consider these DVD my treasures and as of now, they are my most proud material possessions. I currently have about 400 DVDs and 300 VCDs. The total cost (acquired through the years) exceed about P70,000. Wow!
I haven't watched all of these and I watched some movies more than once. I'm just collecting and collecting and selecting the best for my viewing pleasure.
Monday, November 19, 2007
Shortbus
Last night, while my parents were in my apartment and sleeping, I watched Shortbus, "the most sexually explicit film that is not pornography." I had the dvd for quite sometime but when I watched it in the past, I usually go to the "good parts" and skip the rest. But watching it last night, I found the movie really good (I haven't finished it yet).
It tells about the lives of different people living in New York (after the 9/11 attack) who go to an underground club "Shortbus." The movie is full of sex scenes but it is not about sex. It is about sexuality. The main characters have sex with other people (a lot too) but they don't get sexual gratification, such as the case of the sex therapist who never had an orgasm in her life.
But underneath all the sex, there's a strong emotion of sadness in the characters' life. Is it really that the lives of New Yorkers are sad and lonely?
It tells about the lives of different people living in New York (after the 9/11 attack) who go to an underground club "Shortbus." The movie is full of sex scenes but it is not about sex. It is about sexuality. The main characters have sex with other people (a lot too) but they don't get sexual gratification, such as the case of the sex therapist who never had an orgasm in her life.
But underneath all the sex, there's a strong emotion of sadness in the characters' life. Is it really that the lives of New Yorkers are sad and lonely?
* * * * *
It is Friday and I still haven't finished watching Shortbus. I am here in my client, which fortunately, has an unencrypted wi-fi.
I don't really know how to close this blog about shortbus. Once again, I just want to write. I know what to write about but I don't know how to write the things I want to write.
I liked Shortbus and I will be looking for Hedwig and the Angry Inch. That's all for now.
* * * * *
(Updated 11/28) I finally watched the end of Shortbus last night. While watching the last 15 minutes or so, I realized that the movie is not just about sadness. The movie is about sadness and not being able to feel, of being desensitized to love and sex:
James is a guy who's been with a partner for a long time. His partner loves him but somehow he can't feel the love, or at least he cannot feel the specialness of his partner's love. Only when he was fucked by another guy (he's never been a bottom) was he able to feel.
Sofie is a sex therapist, who also has a partner, and has never experienced an orgasm.
The dominatrix is a girl who makes a living by hurting people but inside she feels nothing.
The movie ends, as expected in Shortbus - James at last fell in love with Jamie, Sofie achieved an orgasm while having a threesome with a couple and the dominatrix woman was finally able to cry.
It is a very sad and intelligent movie.
And the music's really great.
Sunday, November 18, 2007
I'm Rich!!!
REMEMBER, REMEMBER THE 18TH OF NOVEMBER.
On that fateful night, I learned from the Weekend Report that I was the sole winner of the P105 million lotto jackpot. I simple couldn't contain my joy. I didn't know what to do or who to tell the goodnews to. I simply couldn't sleep.
The news did not mention where the winning lotto ticket was purchased nor did it tell about the person who won. Well, of course, they should protect the winner's identity, they should protect my identity!
After the excitement has finally worn down, I made the right thing and went to sleep. Early the following morning, I got up early and went to the lotto office to claim my prize (To hell with work that I missed. After all, what is my daily salary compared to the millions of pesos which I just won). I requested that my price be made in 10 equal checks payable to me. I deposited these checks in my different bank accounts. I just couldn't put all my eggs in one basket. I wouldn't take the chance.
During that week, I paid all my credit card bills, finished my pending client (despite the difficulty in focusing on work, who could think about work when he has millions to spend?) and informed my bosses that I would be taking a leave the following week. They did not approve of the vacation leave but they couldn't stop me.
I couldn't sleep during the week, I kept thinking of how best to manage the fortune that came my way. I decided that I will not tell anybody about this fortunate event, though bursting my heart and head is. I created a separate blog and wrote all the things that I couldn't tell anybody. Not that I didn't trust other people - my parents, my dear friend who was in Jersey. It's just that it's better that my hidden fortune remains a secret until I could decide on my course of action.
I would, after a week, tender my resignation from my work, citing health reasons for my decision to leave the firm.
During that sleepless week, I made a decision to surprise my parents and other family members. I asked them a supposedly theoretical question of where they want to go if they can go outside the Philippines. My father, being the foreign-loving person that he is, wanted to go to Europe. My mother, the good Christian that she is, wanted to go to Jerusalem. After that theoretical question, I talked about other mundane things to erase whatever hopes they have of going abroad but I did made them get a passport, so as my other family members (my sister, sister-in-laws and nephews and niece).
After a week of secret meetings with my travel agent, I finally decided to tell my family that we are going on a tour. . . abroad. My agent made the plans. We would go to Israel to visit Jerusalem, then off to Europe - UK, France, Italy, Greece and Switzerland. They were, of course, ecstatic. I told them that a good client-friend offered my his ticket for the tour for a very reasonable price. I still couldn't tell them that I won the lottery. They were bugging me with questions but I kept my mouth shut. They will know in time.
The tour went well and we had a great time.
Upon arrival back home, I finally told my parents about the fortune. They were very happy for me but being the simple folks that they are, they had no big or expensive request. They simply wanted me to buy the plot of land where our house is located and repair the house. I did all that and that made them very happy. I bought them an entertainment package and expanded our sari-sari store. I gave them money to do as they please.
And yes, I bought a house (in Laguna) as an investment and a condo in Makati. I also bought my very first vehicle, a Hummer. I invested 2/3 of my remaining fortune in mutual funds, and the other half in time deposits. I know money won't last so I need an investment that will pay an annuity.
I went to Channel Islands to surprise my best friend and she was very happy, especially after I told her of my recent luck. We went on a tour of France, as her work schedule permits, and promised her that when her contract there ends, we will go someplace else for a longer tour.
. . . . .
That was a year ago. After nine months of travelling and buying stuff, I was once again bored of my rich life. I rejoined my audit firm as an audit manager so that I would have things to do during my time.
And yes, after working again for three months, I have a client meeting tomorrow. All meeting materials were already prepared by my trusted audit senior. And now, I have to sleep, rich as I am, I still need to look my best tomorrow for the meeting.
Ahhh. The sweet life! I would like to say I lived happily ever after but I don't know that the future holds. And so with a smile on my face, I am going to sleep.
Last night, I watched the Pinoy Meets World tv program. The hosts went to Switzerland, explored the country, visited a Swiss clock shop, sampled its cuisine and met Filipinos living there. It was an interesting show and the country is simply beautiful.
After the show, the Weekend Report featured the news about the sole winner of the P105 million lotto jackpot. And so my mind wandered. . .
After about an hour of (day?) dreaming, I had to sleep. I have a lot of work stuff to finish tomorrow. I sighed and accepted my current situation.
Like the mosquito that bit me during that night:
Reality bites. . . and it sucks too!
On that fateful night, I learned from the Weekend Report that I was the sole winner of the P105 million lotto jackpot. I simple couldn't contain my joy. I didn't know what to do or who to tell the goodnews to. I simply couldn't sleep.
The news did not mention where the winning lotto ticket was purchased nor did it tell about the person who won. Well, of course, they should protect the winner's identity, they should protect my identity!
After the excitement has finally worn down, I made the right thing and went to sleep. Early the following morning, I got up early and went to the lotto office to claim my prize (To hell with work that I missed. After all, what is my daily salary compared to the millions of pesos which I just won). I requested that my price be made in 10 equal checks payable to me. I deposited these checks in my different bank accounts. I just couldn't put all my eggs in one basket. I wouldn't take the chance.
During that week, I paid all my credit card bills, finished my pending client (despite the difficulty in focusing on work, who could think about work when he has millions to spend?) and informed my bosses that I would be taking a leave the following week. They did not approve of the vacation leave but they couldn't stop me.
I couldn't sleep during the week, I kept thinking of how best to manage the fortune that came my way. I decided that I will not tell anybody about this fortunate event, though bursting my heart and head is. I created a separate blog and wrote all the things that I couldn't tell anybody. Not that I didn't trust other people - my parents, my dear friend who was in Jersey. It's just that it's better that my hidden fortune remains a secret until I could decide on my course of action.
I would, after a week, tender my resignation from my work, citing health reasons for my decision to leave the firm.
During that sleepless week, I made a decision to surprise my parents and other family members. I asked them a supposedly theoretical question of where they want to go if they can go outside the Philippines. My father, being the foreign-loving person that he is, wanted to go to Europe. My mother, the good Christian that she is, wanted to go to Jerusalem. After that theoretical question, I talked about other mundane things to erase whatever hopes they have of going abroad but I did made them get a passport, so as my other family members (my sister, sister-in-laws and nephews and niece).
After a week of secret meetings with my travel agent, I finally decided to tell my family that we are going on a tour. . . abroad. My agent made the plans. We would go to Israel to visit Jerusalem, then off to Europe - UK, France, Italy, Greece and Switzerland. They were, of course, ecstatic. I told them that a good client-friend offered my his ticket for the tour for a very reasonable price. I still couldn't tell them that I won the lottery. They were bugging me with questions but I kept my mouth shut. They will know in time.
The tour went well and we had a great time.
Upon arrival back home, I finally told my parents about the fortune. They were very happy for me but being the simple folks that they are, they had no big or expensive request. They simply wanted me to buy the plot of land where our house is located and repair the house. I did all that and that made them very happy. I bought them an entertainment package and expanded our sari-sari store. I gave them money to do as they please.
And yes, I bought a house (in Laguna) as an investment and a condo in Makati. I also bought my very first vehicle, a Hummer. I invested 2/3 of my remaining fortune in mutual funds, and the other half in time deposits. I know money won't last so I need an investment that will pay an annuity.
I went to Channel Islands to surprise my best friend and she was very happy, especially after I told her of my recent luck. We went on a tour of France, as her work schedule permits, and promised her that when her contract there ends, we will go someplace else for a longer tour.
. . . . .
That was a year ago. After nine months of travelling and buying stuff, I was once again bored of my rich life. I rejoined my audit firm as an audit manager so that I would have things to do during my time.
And yes, after working again for three months, I have a client meeting tomorrow. All meeting materials were already prepared by my trusted audit senior. And now, I have to sleep, rich as I am, I still need to look my best tomorrow for the meeting.
Ahhh. The sweet life! I would like to say I lived happily ever after but I don't know that the future holds. And so with a smile on my face, I am going to sleep.
* * * * *
Last night, I watched the Pinoy Meets World tv program. The hosts went to Switzerland, explored the country, visited a Swiss clock shop, sampled its cuisine and met Filipinos living there. It was an interesting show and the country is simply beautiful.
After the show, the Weekend Report featured the news about the sole winner of the P105 million lotto jackpot. And so my mind wandered. . .
After about an hour of (day?) dreaming, I had to sleep. I have a lot of work stuff to finish tomorrow. I sighed and accepted my current situation.
Like the mosquito that bit me during that night:
Reality bites. . . and it sucks too!
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